tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36130350.post1702596920588039338..comments2024-02-21T05:25:15.214-05:00Comments on Views from Raven's Nest: Daily Reminder # 195Ravenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04996538460071167819noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36130350.post-82030475156547567632010-12-13T14:36:10.109-05:002010-12-13T14:36:10.109-05:00I agree with Quilly & Argent. I actually start...I agree with Quilly & Argent. I actually started skimming the parts where Hagatharinda was talking today - but I'm MUCH more of an action lover when it comes to my books. I don't want to LEARN anything :)<br /><br />I had a pastor once who gave off that creepy vibe to teenage girls - but everyone else LOVED him. I just steered clear, but it might have been interesting as a story to explore that somewhat.The Bughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07509037206264761261noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36130350.post-73432701519542935592010-12-12T23:23:40.103-05:002010-12-12T23:23:40.103-05:00Well, I see I need to go back a few posts and begi...Well, I see I need to go back a few posts and begin. :)<br />Meanwhile, you do have snow and cold don't you. Brrrr....<br />That icicle shot looks like hammered aluminum.Carlettahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11178161514195582965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36130350.post-35577161950171951912010-12-12T17:20:45.152-05:002010-12-12T17:20:45.152-05:00Quilly's words are wise. If I were writing th...Quilly's words are wise. If I were writing this story, I would dig into the pastor and Amanda's reactions to him more deeply. Everyone loves this guy so why does Amanda react so strongly to him? Is there actually anything 'wrong' with this guy? Maybe Amanda could do a spot of research. She's very smart, maybe she could be a little older than she is and she could use the Internet to find out about him. She could talk to her parents - what would their reactions be? Do they trust their daughter's instincts or just tell her not to be silly. Can she get a friend to assist her in her detective work?<br /><br />What, in fact, is the story going to be about? I was getting quite intrigued about the pastor thing and then we moved on to this young lad. Is THIS the next stage of the story? Maybe she could find out abut him and he has an interesting back story?<br /><br />I'm quite keen to get the rest of this story now and I think such faults as it has are perfectly fixable, so please do try to carry on and I hope we've given some help in getting out of your corner.Argenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10532506690426639326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36130350.post-15856113232339055092010-12-12T00:36:07.693-05:002010-12-12T00:36:07.693-05:00It seems to me that your agenda here is not to tel...It seems to me that your agenda here is not to tell a story, but to teach a lesson. The more Hagatharinda preaches the less interesting the story becomes. And Amanda is way too smart for a young girl. She makes conclusions many adults would be hard pressed to come up with and asks questions that are far too astute.<br /><br />I think you are in a corner because your teaching has taken over and the characters aren't important enough. You can choose to write a sermon or you can choose to write a story. Doing both isn't working. Your story can have a lesson, but it has to be a whole lot more subtle and it should be character driven. <br /><br />I am certain you know the protocols of good story telling as well as I do. 1.) Your reader has to identify with a main character and become part of the story. You're not allowing the reader to anticipate or speculate what night come next, it is all laid out for him/her in linear fashion. 2.) Change has to take place. Sure enough, Amanda is changing, but she is doing so way too quickly and too easily. There is too little discovery in her lessons, and no trial and error. 3.) Story has conflict. Once Amanda was permitted to visit Hagatharinda at will, the conflict ended -- as did any reason for reading. "What's going to happen next" is what keeps us all turning pages.<br /><br />I think you'll find your corner disappears when you let the characters take over and make telling a story your primary agenda.quillyhttp://quilldancer.comnoreply@blogger.com