I have the blues this morning. Big time.
I think I forgot to take my sam-e for the past couple of days. I have a slight cold. I'm tired of winter. It's not so cold outside today but it's gray and gloomy and looks as dismal as I feel. I'm still trying to upload some stupid 5 minute video of Tara Grace looking pretty and not doing what I want. So far I have spent about 30 hours on this project and I'm back at square 1 this morning, irritable but determined. It was almost finished uploading early last night (about 24 hours and 5 computer crashes into the project) and then I opened up some other program and apparently the whole thing got dumped and had to start over from start. I'm giving it another try this morning. It's not that this is great video. It's not, unless Tara Grace is your cat and you love her and you think it's cool that your new camera makes moving pictures. It's that I started this project and I'm damned if I'm going to be defeated. I WILL get it uploaded.
Then there's the whole thing with Governor Spitzer here in New York having to resign. I don't understand the insanity of this country which is pretty much throwing another talented human being away for sexual stupidity while we allow thugs and criminals to roam the halls of the White House and Congress unchecked breaking the law and committing acts of profound violence at home and abroad. So they are mass murderers. Big Yawn. Did you hear that Spitzer saw a call girl? Well apparently Dick Cheny has a history of doing the same thing but I guess it's not a crime when a Republican does it. Arrrrggggggh. And the Democrats are busy eating each other's young and giving the press fodder to make fools of them while the demented John McCain gets good press for not dying 40 years ago. I give him points for courage but that doesn't mean he's sane now or that he would be a good president. As far as I'm concerned he sold his soul to George Bush 8 years ago and with it any respect I once had for him. He's not only claiming that our invasion of Iraq was a good thing, he wants to keep it going forever. Is this the twilight zone? It can't be the real world, can it? When do I get to wake up from this nightmare?
I feel so bloody (I really wanted to say something else) cranky that I can barely stand being in my own skin. And I feel depressed. (Aren't you glad you popped by for a visit?) I know this will pass. I'm going to practice some of what I preach. Going to focus on Angel and Tara Grace. They always make me laugh. Maybe I'll try reading a book. My niece Cindy sent me the Kite Runner a while back. I started it and it's beautifully written but then I got side tracked by a bunch of mini crises and I haven't gone back. I hate getting interrupted with a good book because I always feel like I should start over. Hmmm. Back to cranky, aren't I?
So anyway, when I wrote the Blues down for the title of this morning's piece, I though maybe I should look for some things that are beautiful and blue. Turn the meaning of the Blues around. I have a little figurine that someone gave me years ago. I call it the blue bird of happiness... it's rich dark - I think they call it cobalt - blue. Then there are blue bells. I have a picture of my youngest niece, Diana, sitting in bluebells with her dogs. It always makes me happy when I look at it. It cheered me up just thinking about it and she has given me permission to share it with you. I don't know how anybody - even if they don't love her - can look at that picture and not feel their mood lighten. They look so beautiful and happy and the bluebells are so bright and dramatic against the green of the grass. I love that picture.
Thinking about the picture reminded me of a gift that Diana gave me a few years back. It's called an Akua'ba and it's an African fertility doll. When I was way young and my sister's kids ranged from about 3 to 7, I think, I worked at the Museum of Natural History and of course I visited their gift shop with some regularity. Too bad they didn't pay me enough to really shop there. Anyway, I fell in love with the fertility dolls. I loved the look of them. I wore a gold colored replica as a necklace (to fertilize my creativity) all the time and my sister's kids were fascinated by it, so I bought big plastic ones for each of them. Seemed to fertilize their imaginations: for them they were everything from microphones to - who knows... They made me smile then and the thought of them makes me smile now. A few years back the beautiful Diana of the bluebells sent me the sweet black carved akua'ba pictured below. I told her - because it's true - that when I look at it, I feel like I'm getting a hug from her. And I do. And that always cheers me up.
So... I'm not exactly radiating sunshine yet, but I'm a tiny bit less grouchy than when I started. Thanks for listening invisible people out there.
I hope those of you reading this are having a better week/day than I am. Whether you are, or you aren't, the little fertility guy and I are sending out a big hug to everyone. It's our act of kindness for the day - to ourselves as much as to anyone who chooses to receive it. May your day be full of sunshine (even if it's only of the heart), bluebells, beauty, hugs and lots of love.
Oh, and don't forget that tomorrow is the Saturday Wordzzle Challenge...