Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wow! How Cool Am I?


Wow! What an amazing surprise to have so many wonderful and kind visitors yesterday... and to discover that my little blog has somehow been dubbed a "blog of note." I have to confess that I didn't even know there was such a thing. And now my head is just swelling... and I'm thinking, Oh, Lord... I've got to go visit all those people! Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words about the gluttony post. It is sad how many people can relate to it.

One reason I share my story is because I know how very not alone I am in my experience. My family wasn't even that extreme in many ways. There was no physical violence to speak of, there wasn't a lot of screaming. There was a lot of stuperous drunkenness. There was a psychopath brother... he's a big factor. But mostly there was a kind of seeping poison. In some ways I think seeping poison is the most lethal. You can fight against out and out cruelty. You can recognize its insanity for what it is. Bruises and broken bones can be seen by others. Seeping poison just leaves you in a state of perpetual illness without quite knowing why you feel so bad all the time. That's one of the reasons I think the therapy is so profoundly important... because we first need to realize that we are being poisoned and then analyze what the poison is before we can hope to find a meaningful antidote. Parents are often passing down the messages that were given to them. The poison my mother dripped into my veins was her effort at being a good parent. Much of what she said and did was an effort to protect me. Much of it was an unconscious expression of her own profound wounds seeping almost by osmosis into my system and thinking. My brother, who I may write about some day, was more malevolent. He liked causing pain and he was good at it. But he is a story for another day.

I just want to thank blogger for honoring me. I don't know how you become a blog of note. Maybe they pick names out of a hat. Whatever the criteria, it was so cool to have so many people visit and be touched by my words. I've sometimes had 40 visitors for a photo meme, but seldom just for my words. Thank you for listening. Thank you to those of you who shared about your own pain. That I think is how the world heals.

Thank you again to blogger for the honor of calling me a "blog of note." I just feel so cool and impressed with myself.... and, of course, unworthy. (But still really happy.) And thanks to everyone who has visited and commented. I have to admit to feeling a bit overwhelmed by the attention, but grateful too... I may take me a while to return visits, but I will get to everyone in the next few days.

Besides the joy of meeting so many new people here at my little nest, outside my windows the snow is almost completely gone. The trees are getting knobbier and birds and critters are showing themselves again. Life seems pretty good.

37 comments:

devi said...

that is so nice of u... down to earth person hats off to ur attitude...

Liz said...

Isn't writing just such a thrilling escape? You can talk and talk and pour out everything that's in your mind and on your fingers and it's so freeing ...

Congratulations about being on Blogs of Note. :) You definitely earned it.

Lady Euphoria Deathwatch said...

Hi Raven,

Sometimes the planets just line up and small things become greater. It was wonderful that your blog was so touching on the day you were picked.

I do not use my blog to talk about my family matters much at all. Mine is a fairly happy place for me to go to. And although I can be hard on myself I try not to be hard on others. Not that they don't deserve it at times. I have just chosen another direction for my blog.

Just understand that I can appreciate what you are saying. It has taken most of my life to get over certain things from my childhood. I'll keep on working on the others.

Thank you for opening your life to the rest of us.

Sincerely, Lady Euphoria

thepianoplayersdaughter said...

you deserve it!

Peggy said...

Congratulations on being named Blog of Note! I enjoyed my visit to your blog. :-)

Captain Jesus said...

Wonderfully insightful! Also, congratulations on being named a blog of note.

quilly said...

You know, that post needed to be seen. There are folks who don't know how common abuse is.

I was just telling OC the other day that the violence in my marriage wasn't overt physical abuse. It was constantly being scolded, corrected and belittled. It was the lightening fast drunken mood swings and the living in fear all the time that any innocent action of mine could trigger the yelling, or the name calling.

Words are like a slow poison. They are insidious. I came to believe I was an incompetent idiot who couldn't survive on my own (one of his favorite refrains). He HAD to have me believe that, because I was our sole support and when I finally realized I could survive on my own, I was gone.

One day, after a particularly nasty bit of verbal abuse, he stomped off to the bar and left me in tears. I was sobbing, rocking back-and-forth and chanting, "I want to leave. I want to leave." A voice in my head said, "Go." And I answered it, "I can't. I'd never survive on my own." And that voice in my head asked, "Why not?"

I had no answers for it. He had forgotten to program me with reasons why I couldn't live without him. I earned the paycheck. I paid all the bills. I cleaned the house. The only thing he contributed was abuse.

Once I figured that out, I went to talk to my mother-in-law, whom I loved, and told her I was leaving. She said I wasn't to leave. She said I had worked for and earned that house, and I was to throw him out.

Fancy that! One more time I did just as I was told.

M.Kerkmann said...

Forgiving family can be so hard, and I think that it's great that instead of perpetuating the poison you are making a conscious effort to not pass it on. Kudos to you. :)

I've enjoyed stopping here, and will probably come back more often.

(And congratulations on being blog of note. It sounds like you were recognize for your talent of writing on a day that you needed a boost!)

Tracy P. said...

Wow, Raven!!! Congratulations on Blog of Note! It's the first time I have ever recognized the honoree as someone I've visited before. :-) Fun, fun.

I've been observing every little sign of spring here, too. It's glorious!

ERIC S. said...

Congrats! Keep up the great entry!!!

Akelamalu said...

I didn't need Blogger to tell me you are a 'blog of note' honey! Your blog is fabulous. :)

Deborah Godin said...

Well deserved recongition, your blog is a treasure!

Richard said...

Katherine:

Congrats on getting recognition for your wonderful writing and for just being you.

Rich

Deb said...

Congrats on your "blog of note". Blogging is a whole 'nother world, isn't it? I appreciated your post today and will probably come back to read more.

I can associate with your personal family struggles...I applaud you for having the courage to work through it, and to share you story with others who might be in the same boat, but think that they're alone with their experiences.

All the best,

Deb

Thom said...

My warmest Aloha and congrats to you Raven on your becoming a "blog of note" That's terrific and I'm very proud of you. Keep up the good work and isn't it wonderful to see the sights of spring? It's very mellifluous.

Felisol said...

Congratulation, Raven,
I often come here to get my senses sharpened, and words for my feelings.
By giving so much of yourself you really have achieved something.
Embrace.
From Felisol

peppylady said...

I find there a lot of kind people out there and every blog so far got a heart of gold which I came across.

Coffee is on.

Paula and Skip said...

Such a pleasure reading your postings. Thanks for all the shares. Paula

Jim said...

Congratulations on being Blogger of Note! That is nice. I am wondering if you have answered all those 48 yet? I wouldn't be able to myself, I probably would just answer the ones I knew (or that turned me on a lot).

If you have a site meter you could see how many clicked on because of that honor, as just a lot don't comment (at least I didn't the ONE TIME that I clicked on one of those.)

We are a little bit what we eat, a little bit what we learn, and I don't know what else. But we are also a lot of what our parents are. Pretty warped, a bit is good.


Hang in there, I'm glad you met all those new people. Congrats again.
..

Darin said...

Congratulations! I'm not amazing bout that, cause your blog is really enjoyable.

Read and take my tea..

nomore said...

Congrats !!!

The Quirky Coach said...

I really believe you deserve to be a blog of note :-) just for being yourself and sharing your life to others

Anonymous said...

What you said about identifying the poison so we can find an antidote makes a whole lot of sense; I'd never quite thought about it that way before. My birth family environment was at least as crazy as yours.

If I tell you that your're very brave and courageous, will you shuff it off just like I do when I am told something similar?

I live with two cats as well: Honey Cat, who is 17 years old and really sweet and Cream Puff/aka Greased Lightning who is a lot like what you Angel sounds like.

gabrielle said...

Congratulations on the well deserved accolades.

Thank you for your generosity, your willingness to be vulnerable, the courage to illuminate the dark corners of the soul. Lifting the lid of silence helps us all to feel less alone and less afraid.

Here's to you!

tinkerbell the bipolar faery said...

The poison my mother dripped into my veins was her effort at being a good parent. Much of what she said and did was an effort to protect me. Much of it was an unconscious expression of her own profound wound seeping almost by osmosis into my system and thinking.


Oh how those words and the sentiments they express struck my heart.

Bravo on becoming a Blog of Note.

Carletta said...

Wow, look at all the comments again today! Akelamalu was right - some of us didn't need to be told how wondeful you and your blog are.

Mr. Groundhog looks like he's looking right at you. :)

Mahmood Syedfaheem said...

Congratulations on being named Blog of Note! A thought provoking blog. All the best.
http://health-care-you.blogspot.com

joeygirl said...

congratulations!
that's actually how i found you :)

jasperjugan said...

hey raven, this is really a blog of note!

jecko said...

hey raven i am new here in blogspot...and i find your blog interesting and very deep in sense...hope you put more blogs for simple people with simple happiness... God bless...

ObtuseRuby said...

Hello There,

I just read 'How Cool Am I?' and I thought it was wonderful.

The part where you talked about a seeping poison really made sense to me.

I dont have time to read your other posts now because I have to go out - But I will be back!

Ruby x

P.S Congratulations on the 'Blogs of Note' thingy, that's how I found you!

The Shape said...

Congratulations on being a blog of note - that's how I got here.

You have a very interesting blog.

I shall be back...

http://itsallrandommostly.blogspot.com/

Travis said...

It's wonderful to get that kind of recognition, and to visit with new people.

Congrats!

nanoversiegelung said...

That looks cooler than Ice ;P

MommyWizdom said...

Raven, Congratulations on being honored with Blog of Note!

Your blog is wonderful, and such a reflection of you!

MommyWizdom

ModernTraditionalWife said...

I have to say, I found you cause of blog of note, and I'm glad I did. Your words bring strength to those of us not brave enough for therapy!

storyteller said...

Congratulations on becoming a blog of note! I always find my visits here worthwhile and appreciate ALL you share ;--)
Hugs and blessings,