Daily Reminder # 144

I'm going with Neale Donald Walsh again tonight.  God wanted us to know this 4 days ago, but I am only getting to it now.  It's a good lesson, I think... one I struggle with still. My self hate has diminished with therapy and time, but it is still pretty strong.  That said, I think there must be some self love at my core or I would not have been able to survive my childhood and I would not be capable of loving others as much as I do. Perhaps it's because I am empathic. I don't know. 

I think this message from God is so simple and so profoundly complex and difficult at the same time. The thing I find trickiest, the place where I fall of cliffs between what I believe and what I DO - is loving people whose behavior I find abhorrent, people whose actions seem motivated by selfishness and hate. Yet aren't they the ones who need our love the most. I always used to ponder that in my church going days as we all intoned The Lord's Prayer without (by and large) giving a thought to what we were actually saying. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. (I always thought... Really? If I'm going to ask that, I really need to change my ways.)  But I digress. I will let Neale Walsh and God speak for themselves....

On this day of your life, dear friend, 

I believe God wants you to know...

....that love is not what you want, it is what you are. 

It is very important to not get these two confused.

 

If you think that love is what you want, you will go searching for it all over the place. If you think love is what you are, you will go sharing it all over the place. The second approach will cause you to find what the searching will never reveal.

 

Yet you cannot give love in order to get it. Doing that is as much as saying you do not now have it. And that statement will, of course, be your reality. No, you must give love because you have it to give. In this will you experience your own possession of it.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• a cleaner house
• Margaret

  

  My new chair.  Feels good to not wonder
  if what I'm sitting on will continue to hold me.

• groceries
• hummus and potato chips
• Fall colors
• my camera
• my wonderful mattress
• netflix
• Angel and Tara Grace
• apple cider
• the smell of white sage
• tears/the capacity for emotion
• my new chair
• ideas
• Neale Donald Walsh
• love
• the possibility of self love
• compassion
• my home

Have a Great Day!

Be Love 

and know that you are Loved

Daily Reminder # 143

Thriftiness is a virtue, but sometimes you can overdo it.  I've kind of spent my life overdoing it and so when I spend money, I always feel terribly guilty about it as though in caring for my needs I have done something wrong. Old habits die hard. At least I occasionally over-rule myself. That, I guess (I hope) is progress of a sort.


I mention all this because I finally unboxed and assembled my new desk chair. The chair I've been using is pretty old and I've been afraid for about 4 years that it would collapse under me. So last week I splurged on a new one (on sale!) from Brylane.com. The box got here on Monday and it took me until today to work up the courage to try and unpack it and screw all the pieces together. This one is made for the over-sized among us and is guaranteed to hold up to 500 pounds so I can let go of my fear of my chair caving under my weight. Whew. Still, I'm anxious about having spent the money. But I since I will sit in this chair pretty much all day every day, it is probably money well spent. So far except for some creaky noises that make me worry I didn't put it together right, it feels more comfortable than my old one - and definitely more solid. So....  I didn't get around to taking a picture and I don't have the energy to get up and do it now, so I'll post one tomorrow. Besides chair assembly (took me about an hour, I think, mostly because of my lack of flexibility. Came with good instructions and was pretty easy to assemble if you are reasonably agile), I had to do litter box and garbage today and that always stresses me out. I'm so pathetic....

Anyway...


Some things I'm grateful for today:

• my new chair
• that my old chair never did collapse
• my furnace
• my home
• my telephone
• my niece Cindy whose birthday was yesterday
• that I got the garbage out
• clean litter box (the girls are happy too)
• my friends
• reiki
• angels
• life
• ice cream

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

May every chair you sit on 

hold you in comfort.

Daily Reminder # 142

No matter what your life situation may be, new and interesting experiences can still find you. Open your heart to them.


Well I had an exciting adventure that began today.  I got interviewed by a writer for the New York Times, named Penelope Green. How cool am I, I ask you.  Well, not very, really.  She was interviewing me for an article about someone else - a very interesting and talented photographer named Corinne Botz who began a series on agoraphobics back about 5 or six years ago when I was writing my column on Agoraphobia at Suite101.com.  I was Corinne's first subject for the study and used my column to connect her to quite a few other volunteers.  So maybe there will be a sentence about me in the article if I'm lucky. But it's still kind of cool to be interviewed. And Ms. Green complimented me on my writing, so she's on my list of good people. I starve for compliments. I love them. Compliments are good. (There are times when I may doubt the sanity of the complimenter, but I still love the compliment.) There's nothing a writer wanna be (at least this writer wanna be) loves more than to have a real writer say something nice about her ability to write. Resisting the temptation to bury the poor woman in reams of words is a bit of a challenge, but I imagine that since she works for the New York Times, she's pretty capable of dealing with lonely writers.

Of course our conversation - which will continue tomorrow - stirred up some things. Old memories of when I first injured my legs, the dreaded spectre of my brother, thoughts about my last days in New York City and of days when for no reason I would find myself unable to breathe, of days when stepping out my front door (which I still did then) caused a kind of physical paralysis that was humiliating and terrifying and exquisitely physically painful.  But even so. I got interviewed by a very good writer from the New York Times. I am cool. At least for today. And it was a nice change of pace to "meet" someone new.... 

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• compliments
• sweaters
• Dr. Jim
• new experiences
• friends
• water
• my microwave
• my home
• mail
• email
• laughter
• curiosity
• interesting experiences
• Corinne Botz
• photography
• people who care about the struggles of their fellow humans
• orange-pineapple smoothies

Have a Great Day!

May the Day Offer You 

an Interesting and Rewarding Experience

Daily Reminder # 141

Well, lazy again, I'm afraid. I was going to do Ruby Tuesday but I don't think I'm quite up to it today, so just gratitude. I do have a couple of things on my mind for the future but they require more energy and thought than I have tonight, so....

This tree fascinates me.... it starts fall turning the
dark, dark red shown in the photo above and slowly
turns this wonderful orange. I wish I could really catch how
it glows in the sun. It's incredible.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• Angel and Tara Grace
• my home
• didn't have to run the furnace today
• electricity
• running water
• my therapist
• my SSD
• the right to vote
• orange pineapple smoothies
• my red chair
• my cane
• the internet
• my friends
• reiki
• eyes to see
• ears to hear
• taste buds
• my mattress
• Fall colors
• all colors

May Your Day Be Colored 

with Beautiful Moments!

Daily Reminder # 140

Mimi, from Mimi writes was kind enough to pay a visit today and then mention me on her blog, so I thought maybe I'd return the favor. Time is flying and this year's blog blast for peace is not that far away. I have been procrastinating making my globe so her visit was a good reminder to me to get myself going. She posted my 2009 globe when she mentioned me on her blog today, so maybe I'll share the one I made 2 years ago... The Blog Blast for Peace is a cyber gathering of bloggers from all over the world who share their thoughts and prayers to create and inspire peace in the world. It's a wonderful event.

I'm hoping inspiration will come to me soon for this year's globe. I hope you'll join me and hundreds - maybe thousands - of others on November 4th.  Click on the link in my gratitude list or on the globe above to find out more and pick up the template so you can make your own globe.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• ice cream
• apples
• bananas
• naps
• reiki
• life
• white sage
• indoor plumbing
• water
• Angel and Tara Grace
• my friends
• email
• my computer
• Blog Blast for Peace
• television

Live Peace

Have a Great Day

Daily Reminder # 139

Just gratitude again.... 


Some things I'm grateful for today:

• my furnace
• my home
• netflix
• life
• beauty
• reiki
• angels
• sweaters
• running water
• Angel and Tara Grace
• bananas and ice cream
• toothpaste and an electric toothbrush
• my teeth
• eyes to see
• ears to hear
• friends

Have a Lovely, Peaceful Day

Daily Reminder # 138

Just gratitude again today.  I just watched a lovely movie called BABIES....which consited of watching four babies from around the world during the first year of their lives. Wonderful to watch the process of birth and discovery. Life really is grand.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• babies
• my furnace
• my home
• Schwans
• fresh vegetables
• my microwave
• sweaters
• wordzzles
• Angel and Tara Grace
• Dr. Jim
• friends
• my computer
• email
• my sister's children
• reiki
• cat toys
• kitty hugs and head butts
• abundance
• life

I wish I could get a picture that does these justice.
They glow in the sun with a wonderful orange color that is just stunning.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Weekly Wordzzle Challenge # 131

It's week 131 of the Weekly (formerly known as "Saturday") Wordzzle Challenge.  I had  a tough time with these this week.  And I can't seem to fix whatever the crazy space issue is with blogger. I suspect it's some kind of conflict between Google Chrome and Blogger, but I don't have the patience to try and fix it right now, so I just apologize for all the odd spaces and other visual peculiarities. Looking forward to seeing how others have managed these words.

Words for this week's 10-word challenge were: 

chilled to the bone, market, back to work, floating, lynx, glutted, shelter, garage sale, honey, marginal   

And for the mini: ink, cool whip, every cloud has a silver lining, static, platform  

My mega: 

  

Every cloud has a silver lining,

Honey Lynx whispered to herself, feeling a bit like she was floating on air. Honey was one of those marginal people for whom the local shelters no longer had enough room. This morning, shivering and chilled to the bone, she had found some change and had gotten onto a bus in hopes of getting out of the cold for at least a short time. She had fallen asleep and the driver had kicked her off deep in the suburbs. Panic had swept over her, but it had turned out to be one of those Angel-guided mishaps and  for the first time in weeks, she had a full stomach and something warm to wear. A block from where the driver had dumped her from his bus, she had come across a garage sale. It was run by one of the kindest women Honey had ever met. Margareta Martinson had taken one look at Honey and had handed her a coat, two or three sweaters, and had then taken her into the kitchen and fed her a hot meal, including pumpkin pie with Cool Whip whipped cream, Honey's favorite. More than that, she had sat a time with her and talked to her like she was a real person. It had been a while since anyone had done that. It had felt good to talk and even laugh. Then, best of all, in a static job market glutted with people looking for jobs, the real miracle had happened.  Honey was going back to work. Margaret, it turned out, ran a company called Platform Ink. It was some kind of graphics company and she said she needed someone to work the counters. She had a small guest cabin on her property where Honey could stay until she was on her feet. It was a miracle. No question about that. She smiled and felt a warmth deeper than any sweater could provide. A warmth in her heart.

My 10-word:

This month, Dan Silverton had decided that instead of a garage sale, he would try his luck at the local Floating Lynx Flea and Farmer's Market.  When he arrived, he had found the place glutted with small merchants selling a wide range of materials. He had arrived unfortunately late and so was located in a fairly marginal area of the grounds. The place seemed to be glutted with more sellers than buyers, so three hours into the morning, chilled to the bone, having seen only 5 customers and selling 2 jars of honey and an old baseball glove, he decided to look for a place more sheltered from the elements to warm up with a cup of coffee or cocoa for a bit before going back to work at his stand.  Arriving at the coffee stand, he looked into the eyes of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Customers or not, he knew he would be returning next week... and early enough to set his stand right next door to the woman he had recognized on sight as the girl of his dreams. 

My mini: 

Standing on the wind-swept railroad platform, listening to the unintelligible static-filled voice emanating from the loud speaker, Susie Johnson looked at the inky black storm clouds gathering overhead.  While she was a fan of the fluffy Cool-whip type clouds that often punctuated autumn days in the north east, these did not look like the "every cloud has a silver lining" vintage. She was raised from this cloud reverie by a break in the static and the loud words. " Please leave the platform quickly and take shelter inside. We have a tornado warning in effect."  Being an optimist, Susie thought to herself as she hustled into the station house - maybe there is a silver lining after all... sounds like I may get a day off from work.... assuming I don't get blown off to Oz, of course.

*************************

Words for next week's 10-word challenge are: cranes, bananas, red-headed woman, hunger, parachute, scratch, sanity, microphone, long-distance, you've got mail

And for the mini: popular, pregnant, turtle, basket, present

Thank you for playing! Newcomers can check here for some guidelines (and they are only guidelines, not rules) to make the process more fun.

Enjoy! See you next week!

Daily Reminder # 137

Just gratitude tonight.  Tired. 

Some things I'm grateful for today

• laughter
• music
• my home
• my cats
• life
• sweaters
• tea tree oil
• my computer
• hope

Have a Great Day!

Daily Reminder # 136

Just gratitude this evening... and a reminder for my friend E that "if nothing changes, nothing changes..." but you don't have to move a mountain in one day.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• leftovers from last night's company
• clean litter box
• garbage put out
• water
• cheese
• electricity
• laughter
• music
• reiki
• kitty toys in abundance
• my red chair
• the 5 senses
• words
• the rescue of the miners in Chile
• fall colors
• my camera
• my microwave oven
• my kitchen
• my house

Have a Wonderful Day

One Step at a Time

Daily Reminder # 135

If nothing changes, nothing changes.


My friend E is in the process of making a huge change in her life. She described it to me as walking up hill against the wind in a snow storm. That would probably be easier. I can't say much more about it without violating her privacy, but I would ask anyone who is so inclined to send some prayers her way or maybe post some words of encouragement here. Despite exhaustion and fear and terrible obstacles, she has been keeping on keeping. I'm really proud of her and hopeful that this ordeal will soon be behind her.


I was about to post this and I had one last thought looking at that turkey vulture in flight. They are pretty homely and awkward on the ground, but in flight they are pure magic. Sometimes these life journeys we find ourselves on are so ugly and cumbersome and exhausting.... but with each step forward... we come closer to that magic and freedom of flight.


Speaking of tough journeys - it's so thrilling to see the Chilean miners coming out of the mine after almost 4 months under ground. Their humor and spirit is so inspiring. As I write this - quite late - 4 have been brought to the surface and 29 remain to be brought out. Human beings are awesome... ore at least we can be.

Some things I'm grateful for today;

• a visit from friends (who brought)
• good company
• a good movie and
• free food - fresh veggies and home made stuff 
• the retrieval of lost cat toys (thanks Dan)
• water
• my home
• beauty
• birds in flight
• fall colors
• my camera
• the rescue of the Chilean miners
• human ingenuity and determination
• my friend E
• Redemption
• hope
• laughter
• progress

Have a Beautiful Day!

May Your Thoughts Fly Free and 

Take Your Spirit With Them

Daily Reminder # 134

If nothing changes, nothing changes.... part 3

Change is an intrinsic part of life.  Some changes - like the coming of Spring - we look forward to with eager anticipation. Others -for me winter is one of these - we don't anticipate with quite such enthusiasm.  Sometimes change is subtle like the creeping aches and pains of age. And sometimes those creeping aches and pains are not even slightly subtle. 

I don't always cope well with change. I like the IDEA of change sometimes more than the process of going through it. I loved the idea of my new kitchen. The months of chaos that created that change were kind exhausting and traumatic... and now there is my wonderful kitchen which a year old and now the norm.  It took me forever to accept that change of needing a cane. My recent purchase of a walker (aka the Frenemie) is one of those changes I haven't done well with. It's folded up in a corner of the ktichen right now and I'm back to pushing my little red kitchen chair around as more steady feeling "walker." I may try the other again but right now the chair feels safer and steadier and less... "fragile old lady."

I'm not sure what my point is. Maybe just that change - good or bad - is unsettling and traumatic. It raises fears. It raises expectations. It often asks us to redefine ourselves. We often expect ourselves to go through even the most profound changes as though they were a walk in the park. But they aren't. Change almost always taps into hope and fear in equal measure. And when it's dramatic, it's exhausting - even if it's movement towards the good. In times of change many of the most wounded among us tend to add to our own stress by condemning ourselves for struggling. Not doing that - instead being kind to ourselves - is a change we can work on. Being tender with ourselves no matter what is change worth working on. You would think that would be easy, a no brainer, but for someone like me and others I know - it's one of the most challenging changes there is. Self judgment comes easy; self love... not so much.

Some things I'm grateful for today:

• laughter
• cats
• orange-pineapple smoothies
• my microwave
• my house
• thermal windows and a nice view
• friends
• fall colors
• music
• computer games
• my brain
• my red chair
• hope
• the telephone
• SKYPE
• remote controls
• reiki

Have a Glorious day

Be Kind to Yourself