Friday, August 22, 2008

Fable of the Month: The Aftermath

OK... Going WAAAAYYYY outside of my comfort zone with this one. Sex is mentioned and even implied. If my mother even thought you might be thinking about sex or had thought about sex at any time in your life, she pretty much thought you were a whore. She pretty much thought I was a whore just because I was a girl and had girl parts. I was actually very much an innocent but boy did I feel guilty. I just had no idea about what. So anyway.... comfort zone... speck in the distance, not even really visible... I do know, though (I think), that this is pretty funny. It was a class assignment years ago. (I surely didn't come up with the topic myself. Can't remember exactly how the assignment was worded, but I know the porno theater and the end of the world were the teacher's idea, not mine. I just ran with it.) Anyway, enough disclaimers. Prudish people proceed at your own risk.



Katherine E. Rabenau

Sometimes I think God doesn't exist; sometimes I think He's a practical joker; and sometimes I'm convinced the old bastard's just a full-blown sadist. Right now I'm leaning toward the sadist end of the scale. You see, I guess the assholes (the official, elected assholes, that is) dropped the damned hydrogen bomb and everyone but me is gone. I mean, I guess that's what happened. One minute it was life as usual and then the next, BOOM. I don't really know what happened or even how I survived or why, but I seem to be the only one left. I keep thinking there must be someone else, but so far, no one. I'm not sure how long it's been, to tell the truth. At first, I didn't mind the loneliness that much, you know. I mean, the situation was so overwhelming. They thought the destruction of property with this bomb wouldn't be so bad, but let me tell you, it's awful. Here's a good joke for you. Just about the only building left in tact is Vic Voyeur's Variety Theatre and Porno World. That's what I mean about God being a practical joker. Me, alone in the world with only a porno theatre for company. Jesus! The world's most sexually repressed woman living in the lobby of a porno theatre. And you know what's really stupid? I'm still scared to go inside. Weird thing is there's still electricity, too. I could even run the movies. It would be company, I guess. I mean, how sinful can sex be if there's no one to have it with? And I suppose if there was someone around, it would be our duty to procreate the species, so I suppose I could look on this as study time, learning how it's done, just in case, you know, somebody shows up. God, I wish somebody would.

What a concept! Guilt-free sex. Virtuous sex. Well, what have I got to lose? Who's gonna punish me? Shit, this is weird, alone here in the dark with these strange images flickering away. How beautiful it is to hear a human voice. I didn't realize how much I missed sounds, how much I have always missed touch. Jesus, look what she's doing! Oh, my God! Hmmmm. Well, I guess there's no harm in trying. I mean, I'm the only person left in the world. Who's gonna see? I guess I could take these clothes off. They're pretty dirty anyway. Oooooh, shit. That feels really good! No wonder people like this stuff! I never knew my body could do that. Why on earth was this a sin? God, I mean, it feels nice. I wonder if I'm really the only one left? Maybe there are some others and we can make a new world, a new Garden of Eden, only with different rules. Let's see. Don't kill would still stand. Then love one another, but body and soul. Oh, and we could add love yourself. (Make that one body and soul, too.) Love yourself and the rest will fall in place kind of naturally, the loving others part. Oh, and we'd have lots of mirrors and people would have to admire themselves. And each other. No matter what a person looked like, you'd see them as beautiful and praise their qualities. If they were thin, you'd say what lovely thinness they had and if they were fat, you'd admire how magnificently, beautifully fat they were. And we'd study our bodies. Oooh, this feels good. Wish I'd known about this before... Yes, where was I? Oh, masturbation would be encouraged, and touching. We could still pray and meditate and all that stuff, but we'd have to respect our bodies too. God, I hope there are still others around. I don't want to end my days alone in a porno theatre, though I'm really glad I found it, found my body. Too bad the world had to end for me to do it. Kind of extreme. Oh, my God, look at that! How did they do that? Hmmmm. I could do that alone. Oh, God, yes. Yes! Oh, oh, aaah. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. Think I'll try that again. Hmmmm. Oh, God, please let there be at least one man still alive out there. Good looking, if you can, though I suppose in my new order, anyone is good looking. And probably if he's the only man on earth he will look good. I guess I should probably head out and start looking for him. But meanwhile, I'll just stay here and study for a little while longer. Oh, boy, look at that! OH, YES!



Carletta said...

I laughed!
Not exactly Heston and the Apes now is it! :)

quilly said...

This is funny. Your mother and my grandmother must have been sisters. When Gram found out I was sexually active as a young unmarried adult she was horrified and exclaimed, "Why would you subject yourself to that if you didn't have to?" Told me more about her and grandpa than I ever wanted to know.

Deborah Godin said...

Though I would never wish for the departure of anybody outright, there are certain ideas and attitudes that belong to the older generations that I'll be happy to see them take with them when they go (like "Just lie back, close your eyes and think of England, dear")!!

Richard said...

Katherine, great story.