My niece Diana, gave me that plaque, told me that the minute she saw it she knew I had to have it. It hangs next to my desk and I worry about whether that was the best place to hang it (just kidding on that one, but not entirely). I was raised worrying. I call it The Basic Worry System. I give my worries random numbers.
Yesterday, Dr. Jim offered to let me give him my worries so that he could hold onto them for me. This of course led me to a new worry, that if I did that, he would be burdened by them... I'm a highly gifted worrier and can find something to worry about in even the most glorious scenario.
Things I've been worrying about lately.
Basic Worry # 887: The construction people will be mad at me because I asked them to do their job and because I'm me.
Basic Worry #920: My niece and nephew-in-law-ish will have a bad shower experience when they visit. (The new shower takes some getting used to.)
Basic Worry #472: My niece and nephew will not be comfortable with the sleeping arrangements.
Basic Worries # 312-316: My niece will be humiliated by my hideousness and my disability. She and John will be bored. He will hate me. I will not be able to feed them properly. (They are vegans.)
Basic Worry # 785: My neighbors resent all the construction.
Basic Worry #3: Money. Lots of worry about money.
Basic Worry # 562: I'm putting my niece's name into the title of the house so that if I die, she just owns it, no muss no fuss. I worry that somehow this will turn into a bad thing.
Basic Worry # 250: I worry that I'm ungrateful because I'm having difficulty adapting to the new shower.
Basic Worry # 991: I worry that Angel will tear down the kitchen wall and hurt herself and that the contractors will be --- you guessed it --- mad at me.
Basic Worry # 400 & 401: I worry that I won't have enough money to cover the cost of heat, even though I get HEAP. I worry that I seem to be having trouble standing staying at 60 degrees this year and am creeping up to 62 which will (in my mind) drastically increase my heating bills.
Basic Worry #: 336: I worry that my failure to be a good blogger has offended everyone.
Basic Worry #: 414: I worry that I will not get my act together in time for the Blog Blast for Peace.
Basic Worry #1: I worry that I'm a bad person.
Basic Worry # 222: I worry that I'm greedy.
Basic Worry #1005 & 1006: This spring and summer, I worried about the bees. They seem to have gone missing by and large. I worry that the ones that did show up (carpenter bees) are eating my house.
Basic Worry # 815: I worry that by the time I die my little house will be all worn out and badly cared for and won't be worth inheriting.
Basic Worry #5: I worry that Angel will get past me when I open the door and that she'll run away and get killed or get hurt.
Basic Worry #773: I worry that - this one made my therapist (me too) laugh out loud - that the new ramp will be a danger to the mail persons this winter... that it will be dangerously slippery and someone will die.
Basic Worry #401: I worry that if I have a gathering here while Diana visits, that nobody will have fun.
Basic Worry #144: I worry that people will get tired of my neediness.
Basic Worry # 707: I worry that the crazy people will take over the country again and that the "good guys" (from my perspective) will let them defeat health care reform and other efforts to rescue the poor and middle class from the reign of greed and self-interest which has put the country into its current hole.
Basic Worry #7: I worry that my disability will be taken away from me.
I worry that I may need a walker.
Basic Worry# 95: I worry that I'm a bad example for my sister's children. I worry that I'm a downer. I worry that I might some day be a burden to them. I worry that I might not.
In short (well this wasn't really short, was it?), I worry. I worry about everything. I worry about worrying... and if I'm not worrying, I worry about that. (What am I forgetting?)
So, anyway... Dr. Jim asked me to give them to him and he'd put them in a box somewhere. I told him that I was concerned that they'd be a burden for him even if he didn't think they would. He said, no, that they're my worries and the only concern he had would be that he might forget where he put them. (I love his sense of humor.)
So, I'm thinking about giving him my worries. Thing is, I worry - yep, worry - that I'm not capable of doing that with any real sense of integrity. I promised to think about it, though. I think worry is an addiction - for me, at least. It's a way of staying stuck, a way of distracting myself, maybe even entertaining myself.
The reason I'm reporting all this worry is that maybe it's a first step to giving some of it away.
On a happier topic (though not worry free), there is progress happening as I type this. The counter tops are being installed. Angel is hiding under the desk. Tara Grace is sitting here next to me wailing from time to time. It's very loud putting cabinets in. Maybe the loudest part of the whole process yet. The plumber and the others aren't coming today so I don't know when it will all be over. Since I still have to keep Angel locked out, I don't know if I'll be able to get pictures up today. I'll try. From what I've been able to see, it's going to be gorgeous. They're having some kind of problem. I guess when the linoleoum went in the cabinets stopped being level... something like that. I know the guy who installed them worked very hard to make them level.
Anyway, next time they come they will install the sink and the dishwasher, lower the shower seat yet again and move the back steps that they did because they are just hanging on the edge of the porch and look really hideous to me. I was all worried about complaining about that - lack of gratitude, inattentiveness on my part to stop them before they did it wrong - but my friends reminded me that the contractors aren't working for free just because I'm not paying the bill. They're getting paid. That helped some, though, I'm still kind of anxious about asking for modifications. You have to know that the back steps are horrendously awful for me to ask for them to be moved. They did have logic to why they did it that way - so they wouldn't be under the eaves and have roof-fall and ice. BUT... they look hideous... and there's only a rail on one side so they aren't that practical either.
So that's my news.
That and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful niece Cynthia! This is her and her beautiful family!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CINDY!
HAPPY DAY, EVERYONE!
MAY YOU HAVE NO WORRIES!
LATE BREAKING NEWS!!!
HAPPY DAY, EVERYONE!
MAY YOU HAVE NO WORRIES!
LATE BREAKING NEWS!!!
A couple of quickly snapped pictures of the counter tops. I didn't have a chair and they were eager to be on their way, so these were done very quickly and aren't very good, but the counter tops are exquisite!