This week's prompt for One Single Impression was "rest." I've posted three haiku and one VERY long poem that needs polishing. I decided to post it anyway. Eeek.
Listen carefully
The rests between the notes
Add their own music
Resting my body
Is easier than my mind
Which shuns the stillness
Wrested from my arms
Most beloved companion
At rest in the arms of God
POEM FOR MY MOTHER AND MYSELF
Ah, mother
I hope you are at rest now
Shed of the dark cloak of shame and sadness
That you wore like armor against my love
I don’t know why you couldn’t see
The radiance I saw when I looked at you
But then I can’t see my own either
I learned from the best
To be unsure, ashamed, afraid
Though I know that wasn’t your intention
I realize writing this
That though I know/believe
Death has restored
The light of who you are
What I remember, what I cling to
Is the hurt and the rejection
How sad is that?
Especially since I saw beyond
I swear you radiated light some days
Even as you shunned me
Even as you judged me
Even as you pushed my love away
The first time I timidly offered the words
You replied – I laugh about it, though it hurts –
“I don’t mind you so much either,”
It was the best you could do.
I understand that
Your wounds were too deep for anything more
Later, when you too could say the words to others
To me you responded still
“You say it too much; I don’t believe you,”
And maybe I did
I just wanted you to know
I wanted you to see yourself
And I wanted - oh so desperately, agonizingly wanted –
You to see me also
But maybe we were too much the same
Maybe even though I wanted you to see more
(So I could see it too)
Maybe all I was able to let you see
Was the shame you heaped on me
From almost the minute I was born
So afraid you were that I’d be hurt
So afraid that I’d embarrass you
So afraid of what others thought
So afraid
So afraid
So afraid
So ashamed
So ashamed
So ashamed
I know it’s past time to put all that to rest
You are in God’s light now
Where Love is all there is
And I’m here
Clinging to your judgment
Because that’s how you gave your mortal
Maybe it’s time to put that past to rest
And open my heart
To know my fat, my dusty house
Are not deal breakers
Maybe it’s time I put that wounded you to rest
Forgave her for not loving me
Not seeing me
I still don’t know quite how
This old way of thinking and feeling
Runs deep in my bones
But here and now –
I kiss that tired old woman
Gently on the forehead
I loved that you too
Wanted to comfort and mother you
As you couldn’t mother me
But maybe it is time to let her rest
To forgive us both
For being human and afraid
Katherine E. Rabenau
21 comments:
Raven
You sure do capture the pathos of mother-daughter relationships! I felt that one through every line. Been there!
I love the first one, too. The rest in music--an image that came to mind when I thought about this prompt. I'm glad you used it!
The poem for your mom is so sad and so profound at the same time. Sending you both a hug and wishes for healing for both of you.
www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
This was a wonderful read...
"This old way of thinking and feeling
Runs deep in my bones"...
I recognize the familarity of familyness in those lines, for haven't we all felt the return, to who we once were, when we are with family again.
Katherine, I feel your pain and recognize it...
PS: Thanks for the heads up re: the icons. WP is 'acting up' and picked these for me, go figure. I've fixed the glitch I hope.
Hugs, G
Ah, mother _ a very spiritual poem that i liked very much..many thanks
for sharing it..
Oh, Raven! Your pain is still so deep. I pray you will give it God and rest your spirit.
"I kiss that tired old woman
Gently on the forehead
I loved that you too
Wanted to comfort and mother you
As you couldn’t mother me
But maybe it is time to let her rest
To forgive us both
For being human and afraid"
Thank for this ending, and for everything before it. I am with you in learning how to let go, to give rest to others, to ourselves. As much as I've done, there's so much more to do. Maybe at the collective deep levels of our spirits we will help each other...you, me, those we wish to come to rest with....
Raven,
your haikus are great...and your poem about your mother...well, it may be universal for those of us who weren't all that to our moms. It may have been a blessing in disguise that she took her life when I was 19. Nearly killed me, though.
About the crow totem...My totem isThe Bear Totem
I've known forever.
And I've told you a lot about me, now.
You have a way with words :)
"Resting my body
Is easier than my mind
Which shuns the stillness"
I find this so true. Let me count the times I have tried to still my mind unsuccessfully.
The ones who have gone before (the ancestors) see us, know us and love us. I hope the poem you wrote for you and your mother has brought healing. All the best,
First, your haikus are amazing, I agree with Pam in liking the second one. The poem about your mother was excellent, and when you have worked on it more and are satisfied with it-try reading it at an open mic sometime. It would be a very powerful spoken word piece.
Thank you for sharing all of these.
Gosh, these are all great! You are the second one I read with musical overtones, something I never thought of. All good reading.
Oh I'm with Edward. You Mother piece would be a wonderful, loving performance piece.
The haikus are divine - I loved all three of them - they spoke to me.
Your haiku are wonderful and your poem to/for your mother is resoundingly forthright. Too bad we don't all come with instructions and warranties... Nice work, for sure!
Well damn, Raven, we are all the same! But only a few can express the words, thank you.
Your 'ku are outstanding as always and if I am silent about the poem for your mother that is only because I don't have the words apart from to say...well done.
Raven, the piece inspired by your mother is so heartfelt and honest. Blessings to you.
I too like your musical rests. And the rest/wrest play on words in the second haiku is clever too.
Sorry I haven't been around in a while. Summer is keeping me busy. For the most part, "good" busy, but after a while busy is just busy and I am needing "rest."
The musical rests was awesome. The mother poem instills in me further my belief that passing on only continues the story of which you have written. May light perpetual shine...
I like your haikus but your poem to your mother is powerful. I truly believe she knows now and if she could fill you with the love you deserve. I also hope you find peace knowing this.
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