Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Wow! How Cool Am I?
Wow! What an amazing surprise to have so many wonderful and kind visitors yesterday... and to discover that my little blog has somehow been dubbed a "blog of note." I have to confess that I didn't even know there was such a thing. And now my head is just swelling... and I'm thinking, Oh, Lord... I've got to go visit all those people! Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words about the gluttony post. It is sad how many people can relate to it.
One reason I share my story is because I know how very not alone I am in my experience. My family wasn't even that extreme in many ways. There was no physical violence to speak of, there wasn't a lot of screaming. There was a lot of stuperous drunkenness. There was a psychopath brother... he's a big factor. But mostly there was a kind of seeping poison. In some ways I think seeping poison is the most lethal. You can fight against out and out cruelty. You can recognize its insanity for what it is. Bruises and broken bones can be seen by others. Seeping poison just leaves you in a state of perpetual illness without quite knowing why you feel so bad all the time. That's one of the reasons I think the therapy is so profoundly important... because we first need to realize that we are being poisoned and then analyze what the poison is before we can hope to find a meaningful antidote. Parents are often passing down the messages that were given to them. The poison my mother dripped into my veins was her effort at being a good parent. Much of what she said and did was an effort to protect me. Much of it was an unconscious expression of her own profound wounds seeping almost by osmosis into my system and thinking. My brother, who I may write about some day, was more malevolent. He liked causing pain and he was good at it. But he is a story for another day.
I just want to thank blogger for honoring me. I don't know how you become a blog of note. Maybe they pick names out of a hat. Whatever the criteria, it was so cool to have so many people visit and be touched by my words. I've sometimes had 40 visitors for a photo meme, but seldom just for my words. Thank you for listening. Thank you to those of you who shared about your own pain. That I think is how the world heals.
Thank you again to blogger for the honor of calling me a "blog of note." I just feel so cool and impressed with myself.... and, of course, unworthy. (But still really happy.) And thanks to everyone who has visited and commented. I have to admit to feeling a bit overwhelmed by the attention, but grateful too... I may take me a while to return visits, but I will get to everyone in the next few days.
Besides the joy of meeting so many new people here at my little nest, outside my windows the snow is almost completely gone. The trees are getting knobbier and birds and critters are showing themselves again. Life seems pretty good.