|Paint Shop Pro and my lack of talent rear their ugly heads again today...|
It was a gray, bleak day without a single photo op - feline or snow. Temperatures were in the 50s, though, so that was nice. The Post Office skipped me again, but when I called promised to deliver my mail tomorrow, so that's nice. I've been dreaming a lot of late, a mix of dreams that are sleep versions of computer games and then really odd dreams. I had one this morning which I have decided to receive as a kind of odd Valentine from the Universe or my psyche or... who knows... Of course I had to resist the initial impulse to think it was an omen of death, but once I got over that, I think it was kind of sweet.
I only remember fragments, but I was being sent on a rest or break or something from some place... I have no idea where that was or why I was being sent to rest, but.... I was trying to decide where to go. I was trying to decide between my apartment in NYC (which I think was winning) and going to Narrowsburg, NY, one of the places where I had bad adventures with sadistic/crazy/alcoholic landlords a few years back before I got my house. Anyway, the next thing I remember, I'm in a field and I go up to someone and ask them where I am and how to get to NY (I think). Nobody speaks English, though but they point me in some direction and the next thing I remember I'm in a kind of tunnel structure waiting for a bus. There are quite a few people sitting on benches with me but none of them speaks much English either. At some point I don't know if I'm trying to talk to someone or reading or looking in my bag for something, but I suddenly realize that two buses have arrived and people are getting on. I don't know which one is the NY bus so I run to the front bus to find out but the driver slams the door in my face and drives off and the other bus pulls off without me too.
So I go inside a building which is there and feels kind of like a vets office... I'm in the hallway and a small (very small) brown bear (well, it isn't a bear but I think it's a bear in the dream) is walking down the hall and I reach down and pet it. It's very, very silky. I call out and ask if they know there's a bear in the building and somebody says yes, I think., but then the bear goes into the room in front of me and turns white and grows pink and lavender cartoon feathers out of its head and does a bunch of other tricks and then starts to head down the hall. I realize that I haven't taken a picture and try to get one with my cell phone (I've never owned a cell phone in real life). And am asking the people about this amazing magical animal. They say it's actually a rat. Then a man comes towards me - and I look at him and he is Rick Henrickson who was the most intense (and unrequited) love of my life. He hands me a torn post card that seems to be in my mother's handwriting and says, "I wasn't sure if I should give this to you but..." I try to read it, but I can't focus on the words. Then the real life Angel jumps with a thud on the real life me and I am awake and out of the dream.
Anyway, I decided it was very nice of the man I loved with such intense passion to visit my dreams in a magical vets office on Valentine's day. Rick - even though he didn't love me back romantically - changed my life. He probably saved my life. He was the first person to tell me that my brother wasn't my friend. He was the person who talked me into going into therapy. He was the first person to tell me that my ideas had substance and that my opinions mattered and encouraged me to speak. He changed my life in so many ways. It was nice to see him, if only for a brief instant in a dream.
Some things I'm grateful for today: (items in red are pre-gratitude - a nudge to the Universe to encourage the manifesting of my hopes and dreams.)
- Angel and Tara Grace
- Rick Henrickson
- Dr. Jim
- my TV
- my computer
- my telephone
- the ability to read and write
- indoor plumbing
- 50 degree weather and melting snow
- the tiniest sign of change in tree branches
- hope of Spring
- a clothes dryer
- zero balance on my credit cards
- winning the HGTV Vermont Dream House
- a million dollars a year for life from PCH
- paid off mortgage
- fresh paint on my living and bedroom walls
- a sun room at the back of my house
- winning lottery tickets
- a Bose Sound system
- peach/mango yogurt smoothies
- Paint shop Pro
- my house
- the ability to read and write
- the ability to walk
- my cane
- my red chair
- my mattress
- Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert
HAVE A LOVELY DAY
And May Sleep Bring You Sweet Dreams!