Thursday, July 24, 2008

Poem of the Week: The Rock and the Dead Child

This is the first poem - and one of the first things - I posted when I restarted this blog a little over six months ago. I wrote it following a therapy session back in 1999. My little voice absolutely insists - against all argument - that I repost it today. I don't know why that is, but usually when my little voice is this loud there's some reason for it. If not, I apologize for repeating myself. I think this is one of the best poems I've ever written. I hope it speaks to you.






THE ROCK AND THE DEAD CHILD
October 5, 1999


In my throat is a rock with a dead child inside
Like the petrified fist of some giant god
It wraps around her small corpse
Her legs stick out, limp and dead
And the rock wonders what she is doing there
And why she died
It does not mean her any harm
It does not understand, even,
How she came to lie dormant and frail in it’s grasp
It does not understand, even
Who IT is
It remembers vaguely as though from some dim dream
That she needed to keep quiet
And stop struggling
But struggling against who or what
It cannot say
And it is frightened
By a vague sense of somehow having done wrong
It wishes she was gone
And then wonders who IT is without her
Maybe they are one being and not two
And it did not exist first
But slowly grew around her
Day after day after day
And year after year after year
Never noticing
Until in this moment
Suddenly awakening
It finds her long dead
It keeps thinking of the Wicked Witch of the East
And wishes some Dorothy would come along
And make those legs
So limp and dead,
So small
Shrivel up and go away.
But this is not Oz
Or Kansas either
But some no man’s land
And this body is not some evil witch
But a small child
She can’t be more than four
Silenced in a tomb of oblivious stone
That wishes
With whatever dim heart a stone can hold
That it could let her go,
Could bring her back to vibrant life
Wishes too somewhere in it’s confusion
That it knew how to cry
And wash itself clean
Of this child who holds it as captive
As it holds her.

- Katherine E. Rabenau

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Creative Photography: Early Spring Branches

Please Scroll Down for Wordless Wednesday

Ok... I'm going to try my hand at the Creative Photography thing. You should hear the community of critics that lives in my head going at it right now.

"Isn't it enough you do WW?"
"Why did you pick THAT one? It's just stupid."
"It's so GRAY."
"This isn't creative, it's just stupid (ugly/hideous/boring)."

But enough. Bad enough I have to live with them. No reason the rest of you should suffer too.

The story behind this picture. Back in the Spring when I first got my camera, I started a "project" taking pictures of the tree outside my front window every day in an attempt to "catch Spring in the act." Unfortunately, when my computer crashed, a lot of the pictures were lost and the project sort of lost it's steam. But when I was thinking of an idea for Creative Photography, I thought maybe I could make use of one of them and decided to experiment with it. For better or worse, here's the result.


I converted the original to grayscale, then converted that to it's negative image.
I can't decide if it's boring or interesting.


This is the original photo.

Wordless Wednesday: Back Yard Wonders

The back yard has been good to me this week.


This bunny and her babies have been pretty regular visitors and she has come right up by the house several times. Yippee!









There are two babies. They were so far away most of the time that this was about the only clear shot I got of them. Mother seemed to chase them around more than nurture them. Maybe she was channeling my mother...






This little chipmunk went scampering past and I said out loud to myself... "oh, don't go away." I noticed too late that he had hopped up on the porch and by the time I refocused and found him with the camera, he was off again... Darn. Cute butt, though.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Ruby Tuesday: A Cat, A Bird and a Flower

Maryt/The Teach over at Work of the Poet has something called Ruby Tuesday which featuring all things red.

Three pictures this week, again of questionable redness. The first is a picture that the wonderful little girl who lives next door drew for me the very day we met. The second is a particularly pompous robin red-breast (I have always thought they look more orange, but I'm counting on the "red breast" name to get me through), and my neighbors dark... actually, I think I'll add a 4th shot. These last flowers are VERY far away, so they aren't too clear, but they are truly red.










Monday, July 21, 2008

We Can Solve It

Well, I know there will be weeping and wailing in the blogosphere at this sad news (she said with her tongue planted firmly in her cheek), but I decided to take a week off from The Alphabet Backwards. ("The what????" you may be asking yourselves, since while it causes me great angst to write TAB each week, not too many readers torture themselves reading it.) Anyway, today is hot and muggy and I just don't feel like doing anything that requires thought on my part. "Fear not, though," she said, tongue returned to cheek, "the letter F will be written and posted next week."

For today, I thought I'd share this video clip of Al Gore's latest speech. It's about time somebody said this. I've been stomping my feet and muttering on the subject for what seems like forever. Whether you like Gore's style or not, this is just - it seems to me - common sense.




Project Black, Take 12: Gone Buggy... and Project Black Buzzes to a Close

(Please scroll down for One Single Impression.)

It's the twelfth and final (surprise!) day of Anna Carson's Project Black. This is not, maybe, what I would have posted had I know it was the last day, but everything happens as it is meant to so we say a tiny buzzy good-bye to black and wait with baited breath to see what color September brings to Anna's creative mind.

You may have to look close to find these. All the photos can be enlarged by clicking on them.

He's there... right in the middle...

ok... he's not really black but he does have a fair amount of black in his wardrobe...



I didn't really think this shot would work....



My other Project Black posts include:

Cane Corso Mastiff
Crow on the Wire
My Black Cane
Shop Vac and Angel Parts
Truck Parts
Akua'ba Tours Black
Lots of Rocks and a Shell
Boots and Bears
Treasures
Looking Outside Potpourri
Jasmine Jaguar
Gone Buggy

Sunday, July 20, 2008

One Single Impression: Rest

Please scroll down for Project Black...


This week's prompt for One Single Impression was "rest." I've posted three haiku and one VERY long poem that needs polishing. I decided to post it anyway. Eeek.

Listen carefully
The rests between the notes
Add their own music


Resting my body
Is easier than my mind

Which shuns the stillness


Wrested from my arms
Most beloved companion
At rest in the arms of God


This one is very long and I just wrote it. It needs polishing, but I've decided to post it anyway, for better or worse. I don't have a scanner so the photo is pictures of pictures. The black and white is with me in about 1952 or so, the top left is holding her third (I think) grand child, and the last was on her 50th wedding anniversary. She was already quite ill at that time.














POEM FOR MY MOTHER AND MYSELF


Ah, mother
I hope you are at rest now

Shed of the dark cloak of shame and sadness

That you wore like armor against my love

I don’t know why you couldn’t see

The radiance I saw when I looked at you

But then I can’t see my own either

I learned from the best
To be unsure, ashamed, afraid

Though I know that wasn’t your intention

I realize writing this

That though I know/believe

Death has restored

The light of who you are

What I remember, what I cling to

Is the hurt and the rejection

How sad is that?

Especially since I saw beyond
I swear you radiated light some days

Even as you shunned me

Even as you judged me

Even as you pushed my love away
The first time I timidly offered the words
“I love you, Mom,”
You replied – I laugh about it, though it hurts –

“I don’t mind you so much either,”
It was the best you could do.

I understand that

Your wounds were too deep for anything more

Later, when you too could say the words to others
To me you responded still

“You say it too much; I don’t believe you,”

And maybe I did
I just wanted you to know

I wanted you to see yourself
And I wanted - oh so desperately, agonizingly wanted –

You to see me also

But maybe we were too much the same

Maybe even though I wanted you to see more

(So I could see it too)

Maybe all I was able to let you see

Was the shame you heaped on me

From almost the minute I was born

So afraid you were that I’d be hurt

So afraid that I’d embarrass you

So afraid of what others thought

So afraid

So afraid

So afraid

So ashamed

So ashamed

So ashamed

I know it’s past time to put all that to rest
You are in God’s light now

Where Love is all there is

And I’m here
Clinging to your judgment

Because that’s how you gave your mortal
Earth-bound love
Maybe it’s time to put that past to rest

And open my heart

To know my fat, my dusty house
Are not deal breakers In God’s eyes – or even your new Heaven’s eyes
Maybe it’s time I put that wounded you to rest

Forgave her for not loving me
Not seeing me

I still don’t know quite how

This old way of thinking and feeling
Runs deep in my bones

But here and now –
I kiss that tired old woman

Gently on the forehead

I loved that you too
Wanted to comfort and mother you

As you couldn’t mother me

But maybe it is time to let her rest

To forgive us both

For being human and afraid

Katherine E. Rabenau


Project Black, Take 11: Jasmine Jaguar

It's day eleven of Anna Carson's Project Black. Black eared and spotted, Jasmine Jaguar is a reiki critter, which means I use her when I do long distance healing for animals. I got Jasmine when I was in Arizona. I found an on-line company that sold stuffed animals really cheap. Originally she was going to be a gift for my great niece but I decided to keep her when I met her. She had reiki written all over her. Doesn't she have an amazingly expressive face?







I tried to resist this, but (butt?).... prepare to groan.... Angel felt the need to assist with

the tail end of the project...

I am my father's daughter, kernel off the old corn cob... couldn't help myself... these last two aren't very good and they don't add much, but there was that pun, taunting me, luring me on and I just had to add them. I tried to combine them into one side by side shot, but each of the two programs I tried it with crashed the computer, so.... Herein ends my tale... or is it tail... or....

Have a nice Sunday!

My other Project Black posts include:

Cane Corso Mastiff
Crow on the Wire
My Black Cane
Shop Vac and Angel Parts
Truck Parts
Akua'ba Tours Black
Lots of Rocks and a Shell
Boots and Bears
Treasures
Looking Outside Potpourri
Jasmine Jaguar

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Project Black, Take 10: Looking Outside Potpourri

Please scroll down for the Saturday Wordzzle Challenge

It's day ten of Anna Carson's Project Black. Today, I offer an odd assortment of things and sights I see outside my house. Some of them may be stretching "black," but cheating is fun. I'm thinking that PB is probably close to an end, so I'm just tossing everything I can think of in. Sorry. (Watch I'll probably run out of things for the end now. That'll teach me.)

I love sillouhettes in general, but I especially love the 2nd one where this little robin kind of loses his elegant dignity.




The handle of my front screen as seen from the inside...


This thing began it's life with a glass jar inside and was a candle holder for large candles. It has a twin. Both lost their glass during different moves. They were briefly re-purposed as flower pot holders. Now they are just rusting things that sit outside amid the weeds that constitute my front yard. But they are black.





Ok... this is really stretching it, but I like shadows and I like the wood on my porch, so...

Another real stretch using shadow as "black," - this dark window in one of the broken-down sheds at the back of my back yard.



I like this broken down old black fence because it's broken down. Alas, when the rest of my big tree goes, the fence will probably go with it. I have nicer photos, but not with the cute bunny in them. She had two babies with her. I guarantee that they will show up for Wordless Wednesday very soon.

Pre sunset sky last night. My tribute to skywatch, which I skipped in favor of Project Black this week.



My other Project Black posts include:

Cane Corso Mastiff
Crow on the Wire
My Black Cane
Shop Vac and Angel Parts
Truck Parts
Akua'ba Tours Black
Lots of Rocks and a Shell
Boots and Bears
Treasures
Looking Outside Potpourri

Friday, July 18, 2008

Saturday Wordzzle Challenge: Week 22

(Please scroll down for Project Black)


Can you believe this is week 22 of the Saturday Wordzzle challenge? Anyone new to the process can refer back here to find out how it works. I'd love some volunteers to make up the words/phrases for up-coming weeks. Maybe each of our regulars could take a turn and send me two sets of words.... It's hard having only myself to blame when I struggle over these exercises... But enough whining, on to the challenges.

(Oh - one other thing... I write these off blog and then cut and paste them. Does anyone else have a problem where some words will take color and sentences in the middle don't? Drives me crazy every week and I can't figure out how to fix it, which is why there are letters and words here and there amid the color that are black. Any suggestions?)


The words for this week's ten word challenge were: cardboard box, liquor cabinet, ostrich feathers, longitudinal, hamburger helper, partnership, laundry detergent, magnificent, San Francisco, prognosis And for the Mini Challenge: worst case scenario, marginalia, water fountain, specialized, fortitude

Here's my ten-word offering for this week.

Teresa had not been willing to listen to her parents or her friends when they offered the prognosis that her marriage to Fernando would end in disaster, but it seemed they had been right when, as one of them had put it, “This isn’t a partnership… he’s more in love with your liquor cabinet than with you.” Alas, Fernando – now known as Fernando the Magnificent had fled with her money and her wardrobe and was now headlining at a club in San Francisco called Lavender’s Longitudinal Lounge, where he sported sequins and a lavish feather boa made completely of ostrich feathers. Pretty much all he had left her with was a broken heart and this cardboard box containing, some photos, a half full bottle of laundry detergent, two boxes of Hamburger Helper, some blue jeans and three rather worn t-shirts. “Well,” she sighed, trying to look for the positive, “at least there isn’t a lot of clean-up to do.” Her best friend Sam, who had loved her – unrecognized - for most of their lives, put his arm around her and let her sob quietly on his shoulder. “You’ll get through this, my love,” he whispered. “I’m here for you.”


And here's my mini challenge:

Barbra Jane didn’t know if she had the fortitude to make it through another game of Worst Case Scenario, a game of questions about specialized marginalia on subjects as diverse as snakes in sewers to the water pressure of water fountains. As far as she could tell, the questions were silly and half the answers were wrong. Besides, she wanted to play Clue. She always won Clue and winning was fun.


And the mega challenge:

Delvinia Dewhurst lifted the cardboard box of Hamburger Helper down from the shelf, making a quick side trip to the liquor cabinet before starting dinner preparations. The move to San Francisco was not supposed to have led to this. Dan’s partnership in the law firm should have freed her up from laundry detergent and budget dinners. She was supposed to have chefs and a maid. She was supposed to be living in a magnificent mansion with a circular drive and a glamorous water fountain in front, draped in furs and ostrich feathers, not living here in this dump. The prognosis for the future did not bode well, either. Even the worst case scenario had not included her dead-end job at Longitudinal Latitudes, dealing with specialized marginalia that stretched the limits of her sanity and mental fortitude. She was miserable. But then when Dan walked in the door, excited and happy about some case, eager for her input, she forgot how miserable she was. Mansion or not, she was rich where it counted.


***********

This week's vanity wordzzle used the words: Jelly beans, bowling ball, Dolly Parton's brassiere, Easter Bunny, mysticism, ice cream, apple pie, life, sequence of events

(Author’s note: Some of you may recognize these words from the vanity wordzzle for week 3. When I was working on my Howling Cat book I did different responses to the same words to show how vast the possiblities are with the same words.)

It was a truly strange sequence of events which led up to my coming into possession of Dolly Parton's brassiere. I was visiting California, staying with a friend who was, to put it mildly, a bit of an eccentric. John's taste was nothing if not eclectic and he approached everything with a zeal and love for life which made him completely endearing. An avid student of mysticism and meditation, you might find him fasting or living on rice and tofu at the local ashram one week, and the next see him joyfully rolling strikes with his custom made green and purple bowling ball, wolfing down a couple of cheeseburgers, and an apple pie and ice cream dessert. On this particular visit John was in a flea market phase. I think we went to every single flea market in southern California. Now, I'm not normally a flea market kind of person. I never know where to look or who to trust or what's junk and what's a bargain. But John,,, he just has a knack for zeroing in on whatever booth has something or someone unique. And as in all things, you never know quite where John's magic will take you. His flea market discoveries are amazing. He once found a rare Limoges Easter Bunny bowl for a dollar. Despite its value, since he only paid a dollar for it, he likes to keep it on the kitchen table filled with jellybeans. That's John. Another time he bought a ratty old chair. Ugliest thing I ever saw. Sold at auction for $5,000. But on this particular occasion, John met a friend of his who was in the movie business and he introduced us to Dolly Parton's stunt double, who happened to have a booth. I was a big Dolly Parton fan and got to talking to this woman who was built like Dolly, but twice as beautiful and about the sweetest girl I ever met. Of course John saw right off that I liked her, so he invited her and this movie guy to have dinner with us the next night. Six weeks later, Sue, that's her name, and I got married and one of her wedding gifts to me was Dolly's bra, which she wore just long enough for me to take it off her on our wedding night. My thanks to Dolly and to John for introducing me to the love of my life. I've never been happier. Oh, and I love flea markets now 'cause, as John would say, "you just never know what you'll find."

***********

Next Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: follow-up, buffalo wings, silversmith, furniture, as the crow flies, little red roadster, photograph, pencil pusher, argument, streaking

And for the Mini Challenge: Ireland, mashed potatoes, book worm, fog horn, T.S. Eliot


Thanks for playing. For those who are new, here are some guidelines to make the process more fun.

Enjoy! See you next week.

DON'T FORGET TO ADD YOUR NAME TO MR. LINKY!!!!!


Thanks for playing. Have a good week!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Project Black, Take 9: Treasures

It's day nine of Anna Carson's Project Black. I'm not too happy with these. I wish I had had Janet's great hint (thank you, Janet!) about the flash before I did this series, but I didn't. I'm being silly again, of course. Seems the Akua'ba was so enamored of the attention he got the other day that he wanted to play again, so I let him. Each of the items in these photos - including Ku - was a gift. The black and red box (top) came from Russia and was a gift from a co-worker many years ago. The Raku pot was made for me by a friend in college. It is a bit worse for wear after 40 years and five moves, but I still love it. The picture frame was a gift from my friend Rosalie this past Sunday. That's a photo of my father as a kid - probably taken in 1913 or 1914. Guess that's it. These are odd. One of the things I like about Anna's projects is that I'm more willing to experiment. It still makes me nervous and (Dianne, I hear you laughing) so I'm going to apologize for my need to constantly apologize instead of just posting stuff. Aggggh. It's not easy being me. Happy Friday.









Angel has mostly worked behind the scenes for Project Black, but felt a need to assist today. She didn't approve of yesterday's boot project either, but today she was unable to contain her disapproval of my artistic vision.





Little Akua'ba was happy but exhausted after the shoot. Poor guy.


Angel, on the other hand, was just annoyed...


My other Project Black posts include:

Cane Corso Mastiff
Crow on the Wire
My Black Cane
Shop Vac and Angel Parts
Truck Parts
Akua'ba Tours Black
Lots of Rocks and a Shell
Boots and Bears
Treasures