Friday, March 14, 2008

The Cranky Blues

I have the blues this morning. Big time.

I think I forgot to take my sam-e for the past couple of days. I have a slight cold. I'm tired of winter. It's not so cold outside today but it's gray and gloomy and looks as dismal as I feel. I'm still trying to upload some stupid 5 minute video of Tara Grace looking pretty and not doing what I want. So far I have spent about 30 hours on this project and I'm back at square 1 this morning, irritable but determined. It was almost finished uploading early last night (about 24 hours and 5 computer crashes into the project) and then I opened up some other program and apparently the whole thing got dumped and had to start over from start. I'm giving it another try this morning. It's not that this is great video. It's not, unless Tara Grace is your cat and you love her and you think it's cool that your new camera makes moving pictures. It's that I started this project and I'm damned if I'm going to be defeated. I WILL get it uploaded.

Then there's the whole thing with Governor Spitzer here in New York having to resign. I don't understand the insanity of this country which is pretty much throwing another talented human being away for sexual stupidity while we allow thugs and criminals to roam the halls of the White House and Congress unchecked breaking the law and committing acts of profound violence at home and abroad. So they are mass murderers. Big Yawn. Did you hear that Spitzer saw a call girl? Well apparently Dick Cheny has a history of doing the same thing but I guess it's not a crime when a Republican does it. Arrrrggggggh. And the Democrats are busy eating each other's young and giving the press fodder to make fools of them while the demented John McCain gets good press for not dying 40 years ago. I give him points for courage but that doesn't mean he's sane now or that he would be a good president. As far as I'm concerned he sold his soul to George Bush 8 years ago and with it any respect I once had for him. He's not only claiming that our invasion of Iraq was a good thing, he wants to keep it going forever. Is this the twilight zone? It can't be the real world, can it? When do I get to wake up from this nightmare?

I feel so bloody (I really wanted to say something else) cranky that I can barely stand being in my own skin. And I feel depressed. (Aren't you glad you popped by for a visit?) I know this will pass. I'm going to practice some of what I preach. Going to focus on Angel and Tara Grace. They always make me laugh. Maybe I'll try reading a book. My niece Cindy sent me the Kite Runner a while back. I started it and it's beautifully written but then I got side tracked by a bunch of mini crises and I haven't gone back. I hate getting interrupted with a good book because I always feel like I should start over. Hmmm. Back to cranky, aren't I?

So anyway, when I wrote the Blues down for the title of this morning's piece, I though maybe I should look for some things that are beautiful and blue. Turn the meaning of the Blues around. I have a little figurine that someone gave me years ago. I call it the blue bird of happiness... it's rich dark - I think they call it cobalt - blue. Then there are blue bells. I have a picture of my youngest niece, Diana, sitting in bluebells with her dogs. It always makes me happy when I look at it. It cheered me up just thinking about it and she has given me permission to share it with you. I don't know how anybody - even if they don't love her - can look at that picture and not feel their mood lighten. They look so beautiful and happy and the bluebells are so bright and dramatic against the green of the grass. I love that picture.

Thinking about the picture reminded me of a gift that Diana gave me a few years back. It's called an Akua'ba and it's an African fertility doll. When I was way young and my sister's kids ranged from about 3 to 7, I think, I worked at the Museum of Natural History and of course I visited their gift shop with some regularity. Too bad they didn't pay me enough to really shop there. Anyway, I fell in love with the fertility dolls. I loved the look of them. I wore a gold colored replica as a necklace (to fertilize my creativity) all the time and my sister's kids were fascinated by it, so I bought big plastic ones for each of them. Seemed to fertilize their imaginations: for them they were everything from microphones to - who knows... They made me smile then and the thought of them makes me smile now. A few years back the beautiful Diana of the bluebells sent me the sweet black carved akua'ba pictured below. I told her - because it's true - that when I look at it, I feel like I'm getting a hug from her. And I do. And that always cheers me up.

So... I'm not exactly radiating sunshine yet, but I'm a tiny bit less grouchy than when I started. Thanks for listening invisible people out there.

I hope those of you reading this are having a better week/day than I am. Whether you are, or you aren't, the little fertility guy and I are sending out a big hug to everyone. It's our act of kindness for the day - to ourselves as much as to anyone who chooses to receive it. May your day be full of sunshine (even if it's only of the heart), bluebells, beauty, hugs and lots of love.

Oh, and don't forget that tomorrow is the Saturday Wordzzle Challenge...


Dianne said...

Ya know - sometimes we need the cranky blues to get the toxins out of our emotional systems!

and right on sister!! about Spitzer and the whole feeding frenzy. not since there was a blow job in the White House has there been such disgrace - Oh My - people have sex, I'm shocked. What is obscene is Georgie dancing like the clownish, arrogant piece of crap he is while waiting for McSame to arrive. Dancing on the graves of dead soldiers and Iraqi civilians, dancing on the backs of workers without jobs, without health care. Waiting for a once proud man who has now sold his soul to the far right. The Viet Cong couldn't break him but hell, they're not as vicious as the neo-cons.

Meanwhile concerned righteous citizens call in to Z100 to have them stop playing the music of a prostitute! More great priorities. Bet these are the same folks who enjoyed McSame singing "bomb, bomb, bomb - bomb, bomb Iran"

OK - I'm better now!

Love your niece and her dogs - wonderful photo.

breathe deep and play with the kitties :)

Raven said...

Ah, dianne - you made my day. Eloquent and wonderful rant. It is all so crazy making. I simply don't understand why Bush and Cheny are not in prison where they belong - or at least on trial.

I hope your kitties are doing well. I think they're going to end up as best friends.

Unknown said...

Oh, you two (Raven and Dianne)...I absolutely LOVED your political rant! Makes me feel like I don't have to go off on my own today! I may have to cut and paste them somewhere on the computer, and read them again and again on days to follow!

Raven, I hope your dark cloud has lifted. And having my menses for 23 days straightso sign of stopping yet...I think I am QUEEN of bitchy, blue, grumpy, just plain mean (remind me to tell you privately what horribly passive-aggressive thing I did to my evil coworker today)!

I'd like to set up a weekend visit with you soon...nicer weather MUST be around the corner. I'll email you to discuss when we might be able to do it.

Diana said...

Aw! Look at those happy puppies!!! That picture made me smile too - but mostly because of the smiling puppies. And because I love bluebonnets.

Linda Murphy said...

I hope that you are feeling a bit better-you had a very good vent going there! Whew!

The picture of Diana and the pups makes me smile too! And what a beautiful blue setting. What struck me the most is how much Diana and Cindy look alike in that picture. I don't always see it, but I do here.

Here's to a sunnier tomorrow! And good luck with the video. Are you using Google Video? That's what I use-it takes a bit, but I finally have it figured out.

Raven said...

kim - sorry about the 23 days. Not fun. As for your horribly passive aggressive thing (which you have now told me), the world should have more passive aggressive people like you. You're like a passive agressive butterfly. Your colleague is in no danger.

diana - thanks for letting me share the picture... and for my akua'ba... and for being you.

snoopmurph - I am feeling somewhat less like a rabid killer. Thanks. I did use google and the video - 36 hours later - is now awaiting some kind of approval to make sure it isn't porn or subversive material. Next trick will be figuring out how to make it show up on the blog but it hasn't passed the acceptablity test yet (if Tara actually spoke, it might get banned for foul language, but she remains very polite, the little dickens).

Family resemblances are funny. Sometimes they show and sometimes they don't. I think they often show up more in photos. I probably look more like my father and brother, but some people see a resemblance to my mother and sister. Cindy in particular sometimes reminds me of Carole, but then there are times Diana does too. And now I'm just rambling...

Have a great weekend everyone.

Jeni said...

I don't think there is anything better to perk me up, give a little zest into a mundane, often very boring existence, than reading someone else's rants about the Blues as that person tries to lift his/her own spirits. Add to that, Dianne's rant about the DUBYA (lovely saint that HE is -HAH!) or the double standard that really rears its ugly face with Prostitution being the worst thing in the world for someone to pay someone to get a little piece of "A" ya know! Ludicrous is what it is when compared to the War, whether it be in Iraq or here in the war on poverty or social injustice or racism or well, you just name it cause generally speaking, we do have it here don't we?
Now I feel much better too!

Raven said...

Hi Jeni - glad my ranting blues and dianne's brilliant vent helped lift your spirits. I can't even think about Dubya not being impeached and the whole Spitzer thing without wanting to scream and rage and rant... I feel a rant rising in my throat and moving into my fingers even as I type this... aggggghhhh.... There must be a way to get justice? Has the country fallen that far? When it doesn't piss me off it makes me sad.

gypsyjt said...

I have very little to offer. I wish that I could write the way you do. I loved The Kite Runner and I think you will too. I can't believe that Spitzer's wife stood next to him. One picture of her is worth a thousand words. Was she drugged? It isn't about the sex...that isn't the point at all.
Also, I told you I was doing this Ekhart Tolle "thing." I know it is so mainstream, but it is helping. I don't care about the prostitute one way or the other. It is generally my pet peeve about everything...we miss the point. We focus on the wrong thing, it diverts attention away from the real point. But no one cares. No, it isn't about sex, or about the prostitute and her music. Look at his wife! It isn't about the blow job in the white house. No one cared then and no one cares now. It is diversion from the real, unspeakable, issues which no one wants to talk about.

Sorry Kathie.

Raven said...

Joan! How lovely of you to peek out of secret lurking. I thought you had a lot to offer and just saying "hi," is enough to make my day. My neediness quotient is sufficiently high that you could have just typed "hi there," and I'd have been thrilled.

I think you made a lot of sense. We are a mess in this country and I just don't get it because everybody I talk to knows it but the media reports as though we're all part of their demented pseudo world. Grrrr.

I almost bought the Ekhart Tolle book yesterday during the keyboard crisis but decided I should wait until I have polished off the six current unread books in my pile. I look forward to hearing more about it from you.

Thanks for peeking out of the shadows and speaking.