Sometimes it's easier to know what you should do than it is to do it.
I'm trying very hard to stay positive and to expect things to be fine but it's a battle at the moment. I've had the rare treat of having a little extra income of late and have been trying to get my Discover card paid down to zero balance. Because of my agoraphobia issues, I endorse third party checks (when I'm lucky enough to get one) over to whoever and put my account # on it (front and back) and mail it in. This has worked ok in the past, but last month they I sent two checks in the same envelope. I'm pretty sure I've done this before but in any case it apparently threw their check reading machine off and they said it had probably been shredded. Except it hadn't. It had been cashed. My niece (who was fortunately the person inconvenienced - I mean better her than someone I don't really know, not fortunate that she was inconvenienced) - had to fax them a copy of the cancelled check. Then it took them 3 weeks to credit it for some reason. So ok, I was irritated but I thought it was a fluke. Last week - maybe a week and a half ago, I sent them another check. Only one in the envelope. It hasn't shown up yet. I fear it is lost. I am freaked out.
Because now I have to put the person who sent it to me to the bother of seeing if it was cashed and if it was get them to fax Discover and then if it wasn't cashed, cancel it and write me another one and on and on. So this is making me very anxious because I literally hang off the edge of a cliff every month trying to make not enough money stretch to cover what it's supposed to cover (and hang by one arm when the quarterly water bill comes which it did last month), so money stuff makes me borderline insane especially when my money stuff inconveniences someone else and highlights the fact that I haven't left my house in 4 years.
SO.... I KNOW that all this frantic worry and "what can I do" and "eek, my life is over and the world is coming to an end" panic that I'm indulging in is absurd. The world is not coming to an end. Or it hasn't yet and it isn't going to come to an end because Discover card lost my check. The check will eventually be replaced or it won't and life will go on and it will have been inconvenient and annoying but I will not die from it.
SO.... I'm going to just start giving thanks that the check exists/existed at all and for the abundance that is mine and the fact that I'm still compos mentos enough to cope with it and that today I have a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator and my cats have had dinner and on the whole I'm pretty lucky even if I'm not a mutli-millionaire and Publisher's Clearinghouse keeps giving my $10 million to other people.
SO.... Just do your best (I remind myself) to not fall into the churning waters and when you do, use the things you have learned in life to swim to shore. Remember that there is a short to swim to and that you know how to swim. Something like that, anyway.
Or maybe the daily reminder should be do as I advise, not as I do. Or maybe I should have taken the day off. But I didn't. Hopefully this will be one that nobody reads.
Some things I'm grateful for today:
- Dr. Jim
- kitties in boxes (they look really cute)